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JDF-40 Demoralizes Saanich Internationals 5-1

JDF-40 Demoralizes Saanich Internationals 5-1

October 25, 2017
7:30 PM
Royal Bay

1st Half

Saanich Internationals Goal #1: happened in the first minutes when Dave—coming back for his first game after a long layoff from a knee injury—was caught off guard on a cross that became a shot from 35 yards out on the sideline, sailing right over his head, just out of his rather paltry, almost gimpy, reach—as described by Rosco, who is well know for his Johnnie Walker wisdom and beer-induced bravery that makes him play hard in an “against all odds. It's the chance I've got to take” style (Phil Collins, circa 1984). 

JDF Goal #1: Ingo the great and terrible.
Assisted by: Adam deflection off of Dan’s shot, from a corner kick.

JDF Goal #2: Sean marvellously beat one defender, sped through others and shot right through the keepers right hand.
Assisted by: Ryan.

After a sprint to the corner, Brandon beat the defender to the ball and passed it back into the box to Wally who tried to place it gently in the net for a goal but instead flubbed his shot, apparently more concerned about getting his hair just right. 

2nd Half

JDF Goal #3: Sean fanned on the crossed ball before walking it in.
Assisted by: Brandon, from left wing.

Later, running onto Dan's perfectly placed curling pass, Brandon beat the curly-haired defender/Richard Simmonds impersonator, cutting left to pull the keeper wide, then made a left foot shot to the far right side that trickled just short of the goal. 

JDF Goal #4: Joel being the amazing over 48 player that he is, scored with ease, again!
Assisted by: Dan, who is known for placing balls exactly where he wants them and exactly when the striker needs them to score.

JDF Goal #5: Joel scored again, on a run that was erroneously called offside by an unabashed linesman (the ref was not deceived, but pulled back the goal anyway, likely out of sheer pity for the weaker, rather pummelled side that was Saanich Internationals). Properly, the score as shown includes this goal as the ref should have known better.
Assisted by: Sean.

Rafa got steamrolled in an unnecessarily brutal fashion by the Saanich Internationals centre-back who proceeded to sport the sort of queer smile of satisfaction that can only be earned from taking more man than ball, then shamelessly retreated to relish in the perverted feeling of success that radiates from many such overweight has-beens who otherwise cannot play fairly out of faltering rage and failing self-control. 

Tired of being abused and seeing his compatriots mistreated, Brandon, after absorbing a fresh attack on his person, retaliated with a shoulder check to the Richard Simmonds impersonating aggressor who quickly hit the turf; both players were subsequently sent off for 10 minutes with a yellow card, which seemed fair given that the defender was grabbing and shouldering everyone throughout the match.  

Post-match, everyone made nice and shook hands, then proceeded to the local Six Mile Pub.

— Brandon “The Leudker” Leudke